Archive for the 'I have been thinking…' Category

Did this really happen?

A while ago I realized, that some of my memories feel strange and some I dont even remember ever happening. So I have decided to write those things down, so one day I might remember them again and believe they actually happened. At first their order will be very random, but thats how life is :)

  1. I begged people in Pakistan for money, when I got stranded in the middle of nowhere.
  2. I got caught by 4 police cars climbing the fence of Nuselsky most bridge in Prague, drunk, testing if its really impossible to jump of the bridge for suiciders since they built the fence.
  3. I climbed the telecommunication tower over Banska Bystrica (a.k.a. Red light) couple of times, always with someone else (a hongkong guy, girl scared of heights, friend who had no idea where we are going, 2 other guys, 2 girls who decided to try and sway the tower)
  4. My laptop in Ghana got rusty from the humidity of my room.
  5. At highschool I hid, drunk, at the girls toilet of a bar after a group of guys wanted to pick a fight with me.
  6. People on a train in Pakistan took 4 hours to realize I am not from Pakistan, because I looked like a local.
  7. After return from 2nd Pakistan trip I got a diarhoea so bad I stopped farting.
  8. Once on university I carried a girl on my shoulders across whole town, including long church stairs.
  9. When I could not return from Pakistan in 2010 due to floods, I sent the news piece to my colleague, so when I called my boss, she already knew and wanted me to just stay safe. At that time I was at my friends home enjoying great food.
  10. During the same trip a military plane had to take me to Islamabad. I was waiting in the village with hundreds of locals, first day I got to the airfield, but the plane didnt come, other day I was taken in because “they wanted to take some foreigners”. At that time we went around all government offices we could think of and put our names on lists, or even created lists to be evacuated. One of the created lists was actually the one used.
  11. During the university I wanted to try and see how many days I could go without sleeping, but never realized the plan to try it out.
  12. I had malaria in Ghana. I didnt know, but just felt really tired at friends house, fell asleep on their couch, had a crazy dream how my fingers extended into the floor and become connected to the electrical wiring of the house and I actually felt it. A friend came in, shook my hand in morning and realizing I had fever from the heat of my hand he told “you have malaria, lets go get you some medicine”
  13. In Ghana I had a bicykle that was pink. I bought it to ride to the cinema close to my place, where they played a different movie every night (each day with different theme – indian, USA action, chinese kung-fu). I wanted the guys to sell it for me afterwards, but they delayed for so long, that I didnt get any money.
  14. I took my inflatable little boat and “sailed” down 2 small rivers close to Prague – Botic (across the middle of city, including some underground parts) and Sazava (from Karlstejn castle).
  15. Once I did a 120km walk in 28hours and a 70, 60 and 50km walks in one day.
  16. One of best holidays I had was to walk from Slovak-Polish border to Slovak-Hungarian. It took 6 days. A friend was supposed to go with me to share the time and load, but his knee hurt after climbing up Rysy from Morske Oko lake and had to return. For the next 5 days I went alone and found out I am OK with being alone.
  17. As a kid I had a fake nike cap. A friend liked it very much so I told him its genuine, sold it to him for a good price and then tried to buy such one again. I didnt find it, but noone ever noticed it was missing.
  18. I fell of a mountain bike in full speed without helmet and scratched half of my face. My leg was unhurt, because the Nokia 3310 in my pocket took the hit. The display was cracked, but it worked.
  19. Once while walking down the river Botic in Prague (in fishing boots) I found a shawn-the-sheep vallet with 40 EUR. I gave the vallet to flatmate and kept the money (there was no money inside).
  20. I have been in these underground parts of Prague: Branik WW2 factory, Morina sand mines, Botic and sewer system, Tresnovka airfield shelter.
  21. I twice as a kid fell at least till my knee in freezing water by dropping into a hole in ice.
  22. I dont remember my father or brother ever hitting me. My mom did a couple of times, I always deserved it.
  23. I did bungee jumping – Strbske pleso, zipline – over a river in Slovenia, paragliding – over Donovaly. The first two were nice but very fast (I cant remember them), the last one was nearly without any adrenaline.
  24. During university on last weekend of a holiday I hitchhiked to Hungary, slept one night under a circus truck, at the Buda castle and on an AIESEC conference where I crashed as party delegate.
  25. While living at a friends flat during one university summer, I found a MilkyWay chocolate in a cupboard, I ate it and then bought it again. This repeated some 5 times all over again.
  26. I once talked with a friend for so long in night after drinking a bottle of wine, that my brain has distorted her face and replaced it with faces of other people.
  27. I thought I am fat during basic school and during gym classes we played football in two teams – with and without shirts. I always pushed to be in the shirt-on team. After hearing about anorhexy and puking as a way of cutting weight, I tried it once, couldnt make myself puke and never tried again.
  28. I have not smoked a normal cigarette till some 2010. I never felt like smoking, once at the end of high school I got attracted by the sweet-sweet smell of an unlit cigarette and tried how it tastes by nibling on the tobacco. It was discusting and I never felt like smoking cigs again. I tried marihuana and sheesha and in 2010 I took a cigarette by mistake – I thought its a joint :)
  29. A muslim friend of mine took alcohol by accident. We wanted to make jelly-vodka, but had only bad whiskey and girls forgot to put sugar in it. It was a horrible discusting thing and they thought it funny to let people taste without telling them what is it. They realized he never had alcohol only when he started spitting it out (no surprise there). He was OK with it, because coran says that if you sinned without knowing it, you did not commit a sin.
  30. In Pakistan I was going to sleep very late (and spent first hours of office hours sleeping on the table). During ramzan I sometimes was still awake, when the muslins woke to have the pre-sunrise breakfast. Once the person responsible for making breakfast forgot about it and I tried to make them food, it didnt go too well and they were hungry the whole time.
  31. During the whole year in Ghana, I met only a very few black girls who looked really pretty to me.
  32. I had a really “how did I get here” feeling during university when two beautiful and smart girls wanted to go out with me, but I didnt feel like a relationship after getting out of a long one. One moment I found myself sitting no a couch, with each of them lying on one of my knees and me reading aloud poetry for them. I am not very good in reading poetry and suck at reading aloud.
  33. During middle school I have a couple of times sneaked out of the house, when everybody was asleep and just walked the deserted streets.
  34. I love touching things, feeling the wind and looking at girl´s faces and just enjoying their beauty.
  35. I learned to feel happy by walking the Charles Bridge in Prague and on every one of the “wish a wish” spots thinking about what to wish for…. I found out wishing for being Happy is a simple, easily repeated and realistic wish. Later on I didnt feel like stopping at the places anymore (didnt want to take space from the tourists and visitors) but still wish for it when I walk by.
  36. When I went for a 55km non-stop walk for the first time, it started at night at -10°C. I have decided to finish it at any cost, so I took a tent and sleeping bag. So while everybody else was walking as light as possible, I had enough gear to spend the weekend in freezing woods. After 55km I felt my soles were too stomped so I went home.
  37. One of the best cinema experiences was when I went to see Perfume with my Polish girlfriend, we walked out of the theater, it was night, chilly air, smell of pretzels, I felt like everything has its smell and sound and I can feel them all. I felt happy.
  38. Once in my life I met a person who made me feel like a drained battery being plugged to electricity. I was tired with my life and job and saw her after years, came to her, gave her a hug and felt like crying.
  39. I believe in everything and dont refuse the existence of nearly anything. There are things I hate, but I still try and understand them (and why people do them). Understanding things around me satisfies me, being faced with arrogance and unreasonability makes me frustrated and can cause me to short-circuit and be agressive for a very short period of time.
  40. In my whole life I can remember only once I hit someone (not as the first one), but daydreamed about fighting someone when thinking back about real situations or possible scenarios, where I would have to fight for myself.
  41. My desire to hike and climb moutains was defined/explained by one of my girlfriends. She said she does those things to prove to herself that she can beat her own mental limitations. Not to be fastest, or go highest, but just to be better then her mental image of herself. I had no words, I just agreed its 100% same for me.
  42. I have always been creating things and take pleasure at thinking at them and looking at them, but I mostly gave them away: a picture of “star stairs”, small tree painted on a rock, A3 portrait of my girlfriend, a dreamcatcher, figures made of wire, A3 sized had cut spiral-shaped puzzle. I have also made lots of paper models. I love the feeling of creation.
  43. I get the chills when I see people listening to me saying something smart and interesting and getting my points.
  44. I joined AIESEC thanks to sticking to two schoolmates from highschool who were on a summer camp for newees. I knew noone so I went with them to the office and didnt leave it for next 5 years :)
  45. Going for LC VP HR was my first free decission I remember. My highschool and univesity selection was purely by accident, just like my specialization on uni (I took the one that was simplest and most realistic for me).
  46. I am very uncomfortable at starting discussion with unknown people, I avoid it.
  47. At basic school I started to play the classclown to get the attention and fit in.
  48. I went for the wedding of a friend from Egypt. Cairo was great, desert trip was amazing. She was a girl who completely changed my mind about muslim girls. She was beautiful, with huge smile and the loudest of a 300 people large group.
  49. I learnt to ride bicycle at cca 14y of age. Before I tried once with my father, but I was too focused on the thing itself and kept on crashing. That time I did it on my own and now I love the feeling of flying over the ground and having full control.
  50. In Ghana I was told to fuck-off by a colleague when I ordered him to do something. Such words in that country are unheard of. I didnt know what to do, as he was my only replacement. I pretended it never happened.
  51. In my whole life I remember only these instances of really losing my nerves:
  • at basic school a classmate refused to give me keys (?) from the locker because I was late, I tripped her in fury.
  • at basic school the class bully stole my pen-holder,  with tears in my eyes and utter fury I pushed him to the wall and screamed at him to give it back.
  • in Ghana I tried to save a sick kitten, but it kept on meowing the whole night, I was so clueless about what to do and felt so powerless that I got really angry at the kitten and shouted at it to shut up.
  • on the first Pakistan trek there was a guy who just kept being an anoying piece of shit. I told him I will be happy to never ever meet him again in my life.
  • my ex-girlfriend didnt want to be with me, but didnt tell it to me straight – she basically tried make me go away by being more and more passive and ignorant of my existence. I was lost my nerves and shouted and her to go to hell. At that moment I got her attention and because of that for a moment I felt happy and thought that this is what she wants me to do – be angry at her to show I care. No, she just got scared, because I wasnt myself.
  • in summer of 2013 3 idiotic friends and machos were with me on a trekking holidays. They were annoying with their non-stop complaining since the beginning, but when in a situation where a decision about next day’s plan had to be taken fast, they kept on saying stuff like “couldnt you check in advance” to the discussion leader (who was not sure what to do), I tried to take control of the discussion and push the group to decide for any of the options, but decide on spot. On of the guys called me a “cheeky monkey”, I told him to go fuck himself, where he+2 stoogies got offended for calling him names, repeated myself for all three and left.

What is art… is it OK if I dont understand it?

I had this discussion about what I consider to be art with my friend and came up to this:

1. if it what makes me feel that the author is supreme to me – can draw, paint, sing, sculpture, photograph better than me. In order for me to feel moved by the piece I have to first admire its creator.

2. I have to understand the authors message, the creation of the work must make sense to me – in paintings the meaning sometimes can simply be also the beauty of the product itself. All I have to think is – “Oh, my God, its beautiful. I dont know what it is, but its amazing!”, same goes to music, I dont care about the lyrics if the music is good, gives me emotions, make me pause in awe.

What made me write this? A couple of experiences I had recently:

- I watched an addaptation of King Lear in the Czech National Theater (the No. 1 scene) and it sucked. I have no idea what I was watching, it was so arty that the plot got covered up by piles of “things” that made no sense. I saw a pool, cake, concentration camp uniform, joker, logo of batman, detergent, ukulele, dancing and singing, ketchup instead of blood, whipped cream in glasses, 4 naked guys, a bunch of Andy Warhols and a Pope lying on a pissed mattrace. I guess I was supposed to search for the meenings of the symbols but somehow it didnt make me care to try, some of the 700 people present left during the performance, rest stayed confused till the end.

- 100 days of freedom – a play that included 4 naked guys talking a lot about sex and shitting, what did I expect considering the original text, but watching them using chocolate pudding as shit-replacement while doing a poo-eating-naked-party, that was a slightly too much for me.

- I watched the film Holy Motors and well… felt like its wasted effort, excellent acting, yes, but for what reason? I would compare it to Sucker Punch – very different episodes full of all the potential that the actors (Holy Motors) and CGI (Sucker Punch) can offer, connected with a simple plot… at least in the case of Sucker Punch (which does feel like a set of great selection of music with awesome videoclips).

- Two exhibitions of modern art – one from some kids that travelled to Siberia to paint their feelings and one that included some modern pieces of young art.. of which most didnt talk to me anyhow, because I didnt feel they try to speak, they just mumbled in a foreign language, at best.

The strange thing is that all these have lots and lots of admirers, they were all recommended and talked about in the highlights fashion.

I always considered myself to be a kind of intellectual, but I am thinking – maybe art is for me the same kind of “race” as everything else I like to do – I want to be the best or admire the one who is undoubtelly better.

Maybe I am just a simpleton who wants for everything to make sense and admires only that what he consideres a beautiful creation (mine of someone’s other). This text is lousy, not much to admire, but it at least scratches the surface of the topic.

the type of News there should be

today i was at an amateur theater piece that i shouldnt have been, “120 days of freedom” (you are guessing right, a play with words on 120 days of Sodom/y), and while the best way to describe is with the words of a friend who after it was over said: I am happy I am sane (unlike all that was in the play) it did make me think. Which was a way for the brain to cope with that shit (nearly literally).

one of the things they said was that when they read the news in the morning it makes them feel arousing in a way to read about the misfortunes of others – that you cant feel your own happiness without seeing the pain of others. And that made me realize how true this is – how most people watch the news to get they daily dose of shit and pain that happens in the world – and not to them (the guilty pleasure is even greater if it happened to someone they could possibly know or it could have happened to them personally). It makes the common people a kind of happy about how lucky they are and a little thrill of seeing something wrong. We stare at car crashes hiding eyes but still kinkily hoping to see a spot of blood… Who knows, maybe we like to see the stupid “cute animal” shots at the end of the “show” (a.k.a. news) to flip us back into our normal mode of good citizens, out of the trance of “I want to look away but cant”.

This is my proposal – do news where negative/sick shit is not shown for the sake of thrill. If there is something negative, its followed with a call for action. Examples:

  • bus crash in india, 30 dead? there is nothing you can do? no news!
  • earthquake in japan? state the facts – what kind of help is needed, how to do it, where to send it
  • a country that decided to imprison/kill an innocent? where can you send a protest to change it
  • government thinking about a new policy? what it means if it goes through and where can you send them your support or state your refusal of the topic or (most important) learn more in a simple way of speech to really understand what will be the impact
  • killing happened? can you help catch the killer or the case publicity can anyhow help prevent something like that from happening? if yes, say how. else its no news…

There is plenty of people who dont want to listen to news, because its just a bunch of weirdest shit currently happening in world or pointless talk about unimportant matters like paparazzi and famous people excesses or suffering… I am actually one of them.

I wish there was news that would help me make a better world or stop puking the dirt of our planet into my soul.

Personal energy fields – great way to explain behavior

Today I wont have time to go fully into this topic, but I will try to at least start it.

I am NOT going into religious/mystic/ezoteric discussions now. If you watch a sci-fi or National Geographic there is no discussion if e.g. aliens or dinosaurs exist, so just take the following as a fact at least for a while too. In order for this to work You need to accept that each one of us has an energy field around/inside him. You could imagine it as aura.

So each one of us has an energy field that we can not see (some people say they do, but they are a minority) but we can feel it – if its big and strong we feel “energized” and having a lot of “power”, if its weak we feel “drained” and “low on energy”. They are physically around us, they can overlap with other peoples fields and take in also objects around us.

Each one of us is a small power plant – taking fuel from inside and outside and using it to build the field – thats one way how to do it. Example: you see something nice = you start feel good, you have a bright idea = you feel good, you read/remember something positive = you feel good. Vice versa – if you have bad mood = you loose energy and feel down. So you can gain / loose energy “on your own”, without someone interfering.

But you can also steal/take or have your energy stolen/taken. You know the feeling – you feel great, meet an asshole, within seconds you feel like going back to bed or just not giving a crap. That person literally sucked out your energy. On the other hand – e.g. you make a witty remark on someone and feel pretty smart and good, while your target “shrinks”. Or you raise your voice at someone (make clear your position of power) and you feel strong and important, while the other person slightly fades…. We fight for it all the time. But we can also give it voluntarily or even increase it if we share with someone who accepts it and feels the same (you can call it that the two of you resonate and increase the energy power).

This time I am not going into theories on how this exactly works. I just wanted to give you a way how differently look on e.g. workplace relationships – why some bosses need to establish their dominance, some people make you feel tired by just opening their mouths or others make you feel charged just by having a look at you.

If you look at our daily interactions as on exchanges of energy and contacts of energy fields, it might be much easier to understand peoples behavior and motivations.

More about this some other time. I personally find this view quite fascinating and think it can (if nothing else) bring clarity to people-relationship/interactions explanations/processes. Imagine a training where you can finally show/draw what goes on when two people meet or talk in some way (i.e. excellent for visual stimulation).

Good night for today :)

The Strongest or Meek shall inherit the world?

Setting the expectations:

…dont expect any mindblowing revelations, just some thoughts that I find interesting and you might decided to read and think about too :)

Intro points:

  1. If you browse for the quotes of Darwin you might run into the sum up that its all about “Survival of the strongest”
  2. Bible says that “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.”


Do these two statements collide?

Form and motivation:

This is not a religious study, just a set of thoughts that you are very welcome to ponder upon and that I think might shed a little light on our world in all its sizes – from the evolution to our daily interactions in office.

I have been reading….

First, a few words about a seemingly unconnected topic. If you are to train a group of e.g. lions you need to identify the exact hierarchy of the group – who is the strongest/first (alpha) and last (omega). Than you need to establish yourself as the new alpha and choose the tricks for each lion wisely. The omega animal will be the keenest to get into your attention and good favor. This is the one that will train the hardest and do the most difficult tricks so that it increases its position in the pack and also to assure that you=alpha will protect it from the rest of the pack. Thus from our=audience point of view this animal will be the “smartest”, but in fact its just the most flexible.

I have been thinking…

We mostly assume “strong” to mean the “physically most fit”. But the strongest animal is the hardest to tame and least probable to change according to a changed environment. In fact Darwin can be summed up as “Survival of the fittest”. Which is often the Omega animal as in order to survive it must be the most flexible, adaptible – you can even say intelligent or… meek.

So my answer is…

Those two statements dont collide at all. They are very much about the same.

Daily life usage…

People (like all creatures) tend to be the most impressed with the strongest (alpha). You can see that when kids (but also some trainers, teamleaders) are choosing their teams – they want the biggest, strongest, fastest players. But what might happen is that you end up with a team of stars and no teamplayers – flexible people.

But you can take it even further. The world is ruled by the Alphas that impress us and thus we put them in the front or can push themselves through, and by the Omegas who have the best ability to change their behaviour according to the current conditions. Consider this next time when you find yourself wondering why so many companies are managed by this dumb strong guy who just uses raw power, or by this sleazy coat changing prick.

How to use this…

If you are ruled by the alpha, you can not fight him/her with power – s/he will try to crush you and assure its dominance. If you show yourself to be flexible and as accepting his/her power, you will be given more and more space to act – you wont be seen as a challenger but as a valued asset (part of his/her power).

If you are under a weasel, you will most probably not gain a position of power by reflecting everyone of his/her whims. You need to build a position where you are irreplaceable but at the same time strong enough to hold your stance.


  • strength and flexibility and all characteristics are not good or bad by definition, you can meet warmhearted muscleballs or the smartest flexi-guys, its just that we mostly see the negatives so thats why I devoted the text to “fighting” them. I am sure you see also the positive applications :)
  • I have not told you anything new – you knew all this already before. True, most of us do. But its good to be reminded from time to time :)