Archive for the 'Thinking mood' Category

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Day 177 – I am in Pakistan

Published on November 24, 2007 in Daily life and Thinking mood. 0 Comments

‘World’s most dangerous country’ … I wanted to write about how does it feel like. And now somehow dont know how to start. How would You write about Your home?

Well, first of all, its not an adventure. I dont know if this is how life feels like in cities like Baghdad or Kabul, cities that are supposed to be very dangerous, I dont know (yet).
All I know when I look around at my Karachi, is that this is not a battle field, nor dangerous ground, nor police state. It is a normal city, city of a kind I have not seen before – which is logical, because when it comes to its size and cultural background of this country, I have never been in any other one. Its not that safe as my homecountry, but I am finding out that there are few places where it is as safe as back home-home (Slovakia).

My life here is normal by many standards. I dont walk out on my own too much, just to shop and back, very few times I have actually walked somewhere else. And I do feel a touch of nervousness and look around me more often than in Slovakia, but sadly thats how most of the world is. And it is the price I am prepared to pay. Pay for what? This is what I have written about my stay here for the package for MC applicants:

“If you come here to Pakistan for whatever purpose, be ready that your head will just sometimes feel like blowing up. If its work, culture or opinions of people, its all so different that sometimes you just feel really surreal, feel like “this is a dream”…and than you feel your assumptions and mindsets brake down and find out that you just got another lesson of real life.

Nothing is the way it seems. Mindsets and truths are changing every day. The more paradoxes the more interesting challenge of understanding there is. The more You have to try to look through the eyes of the other people – and that is what makes me feel special.

Not every day seems amazing, but than you just look out of  the window and find out how special the day was, because you are on a special place and do stuff you never thought you would. Pakistan really is the land of Pure, because it will help you discorer the pure YOU.“

Day 107 – Between You and Your dreams is only You….

Published on September 9, 2007 in Thinking mood. 0 Comments

For a person like me, who speaks a lot and tries to inspire people it is still surprising and a little bit even frightening to see that somebody else is actually doing what s/he said, said something because You made him/her answer…

During the holidays in Istanbul Lenka had a weak moment when she told me she is missing something like a vision, something nice to follow and from a random discussion came a suggestion: 13 in 12… visit thirteen countries during the next twelve months…

…she took the challenge and is planning the completition of this right now.

We have created a very interesting kind of mental relationship, a status where we are not just friends but actually mentors to each other. No suggestion, no idea is ignored, no random thought is taken as only a joke but is actually considered. Thank You Lenka…

I also have some goals, stating them here, I have made another step to realize them:

1. spend one month (July 2008) travelling around Pakistan

2. I will visit the K2 basecamp

3. on the way from one home (Pakistan) to another home (Slovakia), I will take a train

4. after coming back to Slovakia, I will walk it from East to West

5. during the next five years I will visit all continents (S. America, N. America, Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia and Antarktis)

…I am not joking, I am already checking the opportunities (trip to edge of Antarktis costs from 1.500 USD higher… not that much :D )

Day 105 – skies of orange and black

Published on September 7, 2007 in Thinking mood. 0 Comments

I have just finished watching “28 weeks later”… in fact, just an another zombie movie but…

I am sitting on the terasse of our house, alone in the half darkness of the city lights around me, You have to understand this to understand the feeling…

Its the kind of darkness they do in movies so that You still can see what is going on. And when You look up You see the orange lights of city. You stood up and You can feel the wind on skin and see the white clouds on dark black-blue sky.

Eventhough there is 18 milion people in the same city, nobody is in sight on streets, only few people who sleep on roofs as its colder than inside, are visible. And the city looks like being in flames. The orange colour on the horizon, the clouds above and the feeling that You get after You watch a well done movie… Am I still watching or is this really reality?

Day 064 – after my first Pakistan AIESEC conference

Published on August 1, 2007 in AIESEC time and Thinking mood. 0 Comments

I should be writing about how was it in Islamabad, the city You have seen in the news to be the centre of all the violence of Pakistan, the country to be told be the breedingplace of all the terorist. But You know what? There is not that much to talk about about Islamabad. You are looking for something interesting. And telling You that Islamabad was green as a park, calm as a a City of peace can only be would be kind of out of place. Still, somebody killed himself there while I was there, taking some dozen human beings to heaven, and himself to hell… For a person like that, who kills innocent to get to heaven, there has to be a hell…

But that is not the topic of todays post.

I want to tell You, all who care, that I am a little drunk, on my own (and not sad at all about that), as all others went to sleep, smoking shisha and listening to Massive attack on the roof of my flat, from where I can see the lights of a city of milions of people, Karachi, and feeling SO alive.

I love every second of my time right now, I love You for reading this, its not about the alcohol or shisha, but its just that I feel happy.

Day 047 – What has brought tears to my eyes today?

Published on July 17, 2007 in Thinking mood. 0 Comments

Thanks God that we are leaving for icecream now, I hope sugar will improve my mood, but for sure it will stop me from reading news.

Terorists of the whole world, read my message: “Fuck You! I dont give a shit about what You fight for. I might start listening to You when You stop killing random people!”

Its even hard to hate You… Why?
Maybe You are aiming for a good cause, giving people a place to live, maybe You even think that fighting for keeping of Your traditions and refusing of all “outside evil” is good, maybe You even believe its God telling You to do so. You are wrong… I dont think there is any just idea that can be honoured by killing random people.
And maybe You are like this boy, boy who was sent to study religion by his family, to study how to be a good and just man and finished up to become a suicide attacker, a sacrificial lamb. It had nothing to do with God what You – a man – tried him to do. God has made him fail and be forgiven and sent back home… This was not an idea of a crazy young mind like the boys at School shootings, this is an act of violence planned by a “teacher”, a would-be-holy-man.

Why am I saying all of these? AIESEC is having a conference in Islamabad in 10 days.

Today 12 people have been bomb killed in Islamabad. I am sorry to tell so, but I its hard for me to relate to these people. I have not met them and I dont know their story. But still, I can relate to the situation in the way that the AIESEC members might not come for the conference. The attacks are making it more difficult for me to do good, to educate people, to make a positive change in this society, in peoples lifes.

This is one of the effects to be in AIESEC or other similar organisation. You start to relate to lots of events that happened far away from You, or events that happen in areas (of society, economy, city) that You would not feel connected to. What do I mean? Well, what is the reason that You care about the Islamabad events? Why should You bother even thinking of them and maybe hating the people who did that? … I might be the reason. I hope You will feel afraid about me, feel uncomfortable with the situation, understand the tragedy and if You ever have the chance do SOMETHING about it.

It might be something as small as next time when listening to somebody blaming all this happening on Islam, USA, Israel or whoever else, You remind Yourself of what I have experienced and told You and try to show the person that it has nothing to do with religions/states, but its all about people… The person might or might not listen to You, but if s/he does, You have done a small step towards ending of this crazy “lets kill people to make a point” issue…

I have been having the icecream, thats why my negative emotions are not that clear anymore, You might consider all what I have writen crap. But there is one thing that I hope will happen anyways: next time when You have the chance to somehow help people of Pakistan, do it for me, for my sympathy for this country and its people, for my will to make a change happen in here. Do feel related, You have just been given a little bit of responsibility for this people, I hope You cant hate them all anymore, despite the fact that You will find that SOME people from this country did evil things (9/11, failed July London bombings). Because love is the only way how we can fight with hatred…

I dont think anybody except of one or two people will ever read this, but if it touches their hearts and start thinking about it… it had sense.

Goodnight then my friends, thank You for being with me.

PS: it was tears of anger of what they did to me, sourness of the selfishness of this style of thinking, frustration of my limited power to do something about it, sadness for these peole who have passed away (a number that has changed into something that touches me) and relief that I have been able to express at least somehow how I feel about this.

Day 032 – The circles close… My birthday day

Published on July 2, 2007 in personal, Thinking mood and Weird and random. 0 Comments

This particular day is among those weird ones. Couple of “smal” things happened between my last post and today…

Saturday 30.06., 15.30 : the new Karachi intern Seto from Indonesia has arrived. A pretty strong storm has come to give him a nice wet kiss on his forehead, but for some reason it missed him and hit only those who came to pick him up (me, Nida and Taha included). Upon meeting him at airport we have been wet like fishes… Cool guy seems like :) Despite the fact that due to rain it was really cold, he asked if its always so hot in here :P Well, a new person has come, I am no more the “new guy”…

Saturday 30.06., 23.59 : during a roof party the MC 2006/07 handed over to us, MC 2007/08. Saying that they did a great job during the year, and if it was not them our (MC 07/08) ideashow to change AIESEC Pakistan, would be useless, everybody knows that… You guys have made the ground strong enough for us to jump high :) BTW I found out that overdosis of Pakola has no effect on me… An MC year is over, I am officially no more member of AIESEC Slovakia and officially belong to Pakistan.

Sunday 01.07., 23.59 : I receive my birthday wishing from Nida through phone in Khurams car while holding a cup of Blueberry icecream and listening to Rod Zombie – Clubbed to death. Very nice moment. Another year is over…

Monday 02.07., 09.00 : I am woken up and going for a meeting in Ashoka, I am caughing like hell, sneezing like Niagara and feel rather shitty/sleepy the whole day.

Monday 02.07., 22.00 : I am woken up and told to go and see the others on roof, as I am the only one still in the flat… Nida says she is sorry they didnt organize anything for my birthday. I personally also think that a year from now I will make the party BIG. As I feel not too well, it takes me some 10 minutes to get up there…

Monday 02.07., 22.10 : I get on the roof, Yao (my roommate from Cote dIvore) jumps on me, people scream Happy birthday and I am given a cake with my name on top :) I am quiet for some minute or two and than just say.. Thank You. As I dont look too happy they think I knew about it all the time… Trust me, I had no idea, but I was just woken up!

Tuesday 03.07., 02.30 : me, Emad, Nida and Seto are sitting at the top of the water tank and watching the city and sky. Seto says: “Its not important where You go, if You meet the right people“. True…

Thank You: Nida, Marina, Taha, Emad, Kurt, Seto, Yao, Wangari, Khuram, Ahmed… And everybody who remembered and sent me an SMS or mail. As my memory sucks I often forget about Your celebrations, I am sorry for that. But maybe one day, I will just find out on time and shock You :D

You said that You thought that I will with tears in my eyes write on my blog how You forgot my birthday. In fact You did the oposite… I feel like at home here.